The dont's of dating
Cautionary tales - from popping pimples to text faux pas - on the quest for love
Originally printed 2/9/2012 (Issue 2006 - Between The Lines News)
Being on the market has its advantages: friends love stories that are sick, strange and full of you-gotta-be-kidding-mes. I've had my share of those (see below) - enough, anyway, to question my life as reality or a Katherine Heigl rom-com. Just a few observations as you man (or woman) hunt:
1. They always tell you not to pop a zit. But if that thing looks like it's ready to attack Sigourney Weaver in "Alien 5," I'm all for giving it a pinch. Just don't do it in front of someone you're trying to impress. Over food.
2. Aw, the museum: it's so pretentiously romantic and mostly un-awkward... until the other one goes all hall-monitor on a sweet, innocent family of four who's climbing on a sculptured public swing that's meant for kiddie play. He chides them, but unconvincingly because they're still swinging. And even though you know they're right, you wish they weren't. Because what's next? Getting security involved. Lesson: Avoid museums until you know if someone's capable of minding their own business. And: Yes, you can play on the swing.
3. How meta of you to take a call during the opening of "Scream 4," just as Ghostface slays another group of horny teens. Yes, I get that you're very important, Mr. Movie Producer, and that the call can't wait because you're making a very important indie movie in Michigan. But ditching your date? Not cool.
4. Don't be rubbing up all horny-like on some other guy while another prospect is hanging out nearby. "I'm in the corner watching you kiss her, ooh / I'm right over here, why can't you see me?" Didn't Robyn teach you anything?
5. Think before you "speak," otherwise your text talk might end up like this, where a compliment reads more like a high school diss:
Him/Her: You were doing plenty of smiling last night. Or maybe you didn't notice. :-P
You: I had a reason to, though.
Him/Her: I just giggled like a schoolgirl.
You: Haha. Cute!
Him/Her: YOUR FACE!
6. Only deep into a relationship is it acceptable to let one rip, from either end, in front of your partner. And only then, too, is it not strange to make weird requests - like for a cup - while using the potty. You might be asking, "A cup?" Right. So was I. Turns out some people do DIY bidets. And hey, I appreciate a clean butt as much as the next person. But you're using a cup I drink my morning O.J. from. That's just too "one guy, one cup" for... anyone.
- Blumz Says Handmade Matters This Valentine's Day
- PetCalls to Host Valentine's Day Fundraiser for Detroit Dog Rescue
- The Frivolist: 8 Pieces of Ridiculous Relationship Advice You Should Disavow
- From US to Canada, Western Michigan Couple Celebrates Their Love
- Bookmarks: Romance Between the Pages
- Ultimate LGBT Wedding & Anniversary Expo Celebrates Marriage Equality
- Love Day Ideas
- The Frivolist: Be Mine On A Dime: 10 Ways To Show Your Love Without Spending A Fortune
- When A Lesbian Becomes A Man
- The New Little Blue Sex Pill
- W.E.T. Detroit Hosts New Events for Queer Women to Detroit
- Looking For Love (or whatever)? Here's How To Stay Safe
- Seven simple ideas for a romantic Valentine's Day
- Valentine's Day gifts for the eco-minded
- Valentine's Day for the Romantically Challenged
- Cupid Ain't Stupid: Valentine's Gifts That'll Getcha Some
- Detroit Marriott Livonia
- Duneswood Resort
- Embassy Suites by Hilton DetroitTroy/ Auburn Hills
- The Inn on Ferry Street
- Park House Inn
- Ameritax Plus
- SUBARU-Hodges Imported Cars, Inc
- Sweet Dreams
- Grand Traverse Resort & Casinos
- AG Chocolates
- Uptown Adult Superstore
- Foundations and Funders
- The Forum Foundation
- The HOPE Fund
- Abracadabra Jewelry / Gem Gallery
- Diamond Castle Jewelers
- Fredrick Jewelers
- Miner's Den Jewelers
- Sweet Lorraine's Cafe & Bar
- Tax Planning/Preparation
- Harbour Tax & Accounting
- Wharton Center for Performing Arts
- Wedding Gowns
- Bombshell Bridal Boutique
- Wedding Registries
- Q&A: Lea Michele on Gays in Her Bed, Girl Crushes & Why 'It's So Inspiring' to Watch Old Episodes of 'Glee'
- Melissa Etheridge Talks Donald Trump ('I Will Not Fear This'), Inspiration for Upcoming Songs, the Word 'Woke' & Weed 101
- Kelly Osbourne Talks Being Open to Dating Women ('Never Say Never'), Celebs She Knows Who Use Sexuality For Publicity & Why 'Everybody's Gay'
- Jim Toy Turns 87, Reflects on a Lifetime of Activism
- EXCLUSIVE: Goldie Hawn & Amy Schumer Talk Gay 'Mutual Love,' Lesbian Relationships & How They Will 'Fight to the Death' For LGBT People
Sign up to receive our weekly newsletters today!
This Week's Issue
Download or view this week's print issue today!