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… down the merry path back to active. We’re projecting the site being back mid-day. Thank you so, so much for your patience.

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Very funny.

(via Pharyngula, Pam’s House Blend, and various others)

It’s time for that totally-’80s get-up to come out of the closet! Cyndi Lauper and Co. (including co-headliner the B-52s!) will bring the re-launched True Colors Tour, which will raise voting awareness and funds for LGBT advocacy groups, to Michigan on June 11 at DTE Energy. Rosie O’ Donnell, the Indigo Girls (how lesbian of them!), Regina Spektor and Joan Jett are all part of the line-up, with some stops including spots from Tegan & Sara, Wanda Sykes (I always knew!) and The Cliks. Fab Fiver Carson Kressley will host what will absolutely be one of the gayest concerts since Cher’s first, second and third Detroit farewell shows. Everyone woo-hoo with me! And then go throw on some funky ’80s dress, dye your hair red and dance around to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” – ’cause, come summer, we will be! 

Madonna’s saving the world in four minutes with her new Justin Timberlake-paired single – and, in even less time, saving gay fans from a two-and-a-half-year no-Madge drought. Thanks be to the Gay God for delivering new Janet and Mary J. albums, and a tongue-in-cheek dirty cut from Mariah, in the meantime. “4 Minutes to Save the World,” the (leaked) bouncy first single from Madonna’s 11th studio album, “Hard Candy” (the follow-up to 2005’s “Confessions on a Dance Floor”), is a colorful, psychedelic romp featuring J.T., whom she plays sonic ping-pong with, trading verses about an impending apocalypse. Yeah – don’t be fooled by the beat, which boasts marching-band horns and cracklin’ drums, and could’ve smoothly bled into the dance grooves on Timberlake’s “FutureSex/LoveSounds.” Madonna’s final words are, simply, “tick tock tick tock tick tock” – and there’s no doubt ya’ll will be tick-tocking until you can ear-swallow “Hard Candy” on April 29 (just two weeks after the follow-up to Mimi’s mammoth comeback release – yikes!).What do you think of Madonna’s “4 Minutes to Save the World”? Will “Hard Candy” taste sweeter than Mariah’s “E=MC²? Tell us!

Not including any responses that are abusive, flaming, or contain things like personal information, addresses, or phone numbers of people, should we allow anonymous responses? I’ll allow anonymous responses in this item.

That’s where I was – at least from the look of this photo – after getting to ask Mary J. Blige how she shakes it in those high-heeled boots, and what it was like being The Advocate’s cover-girl (look for her answers in Between The Lines this week). Friends say I look a little high, a little star-struck, a little like “OMG, that’s Mary J. Blige breathing on me!” What do you think my face is saying?

Who thinks of someone like Mariah as a go-to fashion icon – besides a rainbow-butterfly-glitter-obsessed pre-pubescent teenage girl? Not me. Any classy chick might take a hint from Mary J. Blige, though, who almost always assures her boobs have a home and who’ll perform this Saturday at the GM Style event, an invitation-only preview to the auto show. GM couldn’t have made a better choice. And this clip from CNN below, of her singing orgasm-cajoling “Come to Me (Peace)” off her latest record (next single, yeah? please!), is just another single piece of evidence that Mary’s better-with-age voice (which makes me wanna call Mary up and tell her, “I feel ya, girl”) is sure to rev-up this car party. Look for coverage on Friday’s GM fashion preview (see ya there, Mary!), which will feature A-list designers along with MJB and Maroon 5 (Adam Levine could model the undies. Just an idea.), who’ll strut their stuff in some newfangled get-ups, in Between The Lines’ Jan. 17 issue. For now, enjoy Mary belting – and working those ginormous hoops. And tell me: Which Mary J. song makes you move, or moves you, or soothes you? Hey, that rhymes!

I have a headache. You see, from the umpteen CDs my ears have digested this year, I could only pick 10 that were super-duper sonic successes. T-E-N. That’s like selecting the top-10 best meals you ate this year (which would be easier if you were Nicole Richie). Alas, I sucked it up (mostly ’cause it’s my job), replaying even crapola – just for you! – until my eardrums begged for a vacay. From uber-big releases or under-the-radar records like my No. 1 selection, I traipsed through some real trash (Kelly Clarkson. Ugh!), but found some true masterpieces buried in between.

10. Amy Winehouse, ‘Back to Black’

She says “no, no, no” to AA, and I say “yes, yes, yes” to this boozy Brit’s stellar sophomore set, which oozes a retro vibe, recalling ’60s Motown girl groups. Not one to hide her much-publicized liquor habit, Winehouse made headlines equally for her fruitful music and her drinking shenanigans. But who’s complaining? Without it, we could forget getting the infectiously stubborn “Rehab.” And that’d be – as Winehouse would say – a bunch of fuckery.

iPod it: “Rehab,” “Tears Dry on Their Own,” “You Know I’m No Good”

9. Alicia Keys, ‘As I Am’
She calls herself a superwoman, and if that nickname entails super-musician, too, then she’s accurate. On soaring “No One” – o

ne of the best singles of the year – Keys’ throaty, emotive voice sails over a hard-hitting drumbeat, punctuated by a sing-a-long “ooh” section. The lively “Teenage Love Affair” follows, along with an ultra-personal pair of goose bump-raising Hallmark moments on “Like You’ll Never See Me Again” and “Tell You Something (Nana’s Reprise).”
iPod it: “No One,” “Tell You Something (Nana’s Reprise),” “Superwoman”

8. Rihanna, ‘Good Girl Gone Bad’
Girl can’t sing like Beyoncé. But – sure! – even on a sunny day, I’d stand under her “Umbrella,” a hella-catchy sing-along set to an electro beat, chanting “ ’ella! ’ella! ’ella!” The ubiquitous single launches a trio of flavorful dance grooves, like the sensually-snappy jam “Don’t Stop the Music.” Pink-ish double-entendre-laced “Shut Up and Drive” rocks, and even the DNA of mid-tempos like Ne-Yo-paired “Hate That I Love You” bring beaming beats.
iPod it: “Umbrella,” “Don’t Stop the Music,” “Shut Up and Drive”

7. Various artists, ‘Hairspray’
Nothing’s impossible: That’s a bunch of BS. Try standing still while listening to “You Can’t Stop the Beat,” an all-star tolerance anthem. Or nearly any other peppy, sugar-heavy song from the movie soundtrack to “Hairspray,” a musical menagerie of rambunctious, rad dance ditties and slower, more soulful songs.
iPod it: “You Can’t Stop the Beat,” “Welcome to the ’60s,” “Good Morning Baltimore”

6. Tegan and Sara, ‘The Con’
Traces of Tegan and Sara Quin’s poppier predecessors pop up, but this queer Canadian duo wallows in more-cryptic, more-mature sonic sizzlers. “Nineteen” and “The Con” are wholly obsessive – the kind of angsty, hook-laced vent-alongs that kick ass, without selling out to mainstream girl-power rock. This is serious lesbian stuff: relationships, relationships, relationships. Just not the way umpteen other chicks have griped ’bout them.
iPod it: “The Con,” “Nineteen,” “Call it Off”

5. The Arcade Fire, ‘Neon Bible’
Church never sounded so damn good. Not “Praise Jesus!”-kinda shtick, but a different sorta divine “Intervention” – a swirl of horns, guitar, drums and the church organ. The Canadian septet’s walloping, whimsical numbers are meditative pieces of spiritually – marked by a body-numbing intensity. It’s enough to bring anyone to their knees.
iPod it: “Windowsill,” “Intervention,” “No Cars Go”

To see the rest of the list, visit www.pridesource.com or pick up an issue of Between The Lines on Jan. 10.

I confess: I spend my work lunches and breaks in my dinky office. Watching YouTube videos. Over and over again. This one of Patty Griffin – who’ll grace Ann Arbor, likely making even the manliest of men bawl, on Jan. 26 as part of the The Ark’s Folk Festival (can’t wait!) – is a li’l nugget I found that just makes me wanna wrap everyone I know in my arms. Yep, even you.

Nothing like knocked-up chicks, a real-life princess, a drag queen and a foodie rat to get someone through 2007. Those zestful personas were the meat and potatoes of a pretty tasty box-office year. Even though some dumb disappointments scored big bucks (”I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry”), namely the indies - like rom-com “Juno” and modern-musical “Once” - scored with the critics. Like yours truly.

5. Knocked Up
Something is big in this love-child comedy from perverted director Judd Apatow (”40 Year Old Virgin”). And it isn’t just Katherine Heigl’s belly. It’s those king-sized laughs, earned from zingers like: “It’s doggie style. It’s just the style. We don’t have to go outside or anything.” With class-A players (newcomer Seth Rogen! SNL’s “Penelope” Kristen Wiig! Hottie Paul Rudd!), Apatow’s morally-ambivalent film finds an optimal balance of raunch and chicken-soup moments.

4. Once
Told through some low-fi indie tunes, this small-scale mellifluous gem is an atypical-musical masterpiece. Writer-director John Carney’s simple tale centers on two folks, a street musician (real-life singer-songwriter Glen Hansard) and a woman swooned by his music who urges him to record his tunes. There’s nothing that particularly screams hit: Two people, some instruments, and a mess of alluring tunes. But with its realistic reflections on music and relationships, this nostalgic Irish-indie film brilliantly scores the beat between two souls.

3. Enchanted
Once upon a time, Walt Disney thought up something so good, so magical and so charming. Its name: “Enchanted,” a mostly live-action charmer about a blissfully-ignorant princess who’s forced into the happily-ever-after-less New York City. With a CG-created chipmunk and a brain-dead prince (the yummy James Marsden), giddy Giselle (a super-duper dazzling Amy Adams) tries to ward off a wicked witch to return to her Happy-Go-Lucky Land. Adams glows in this live action-animated hybrid, a cleverly-scripted romp that sizzles with wit, romance and hella-pleasing Disney parodies.

2. Atonement
Simply breathtaking in every sense of the word - luscious cinematography, first-rate performances and a dashing musical score - “Atonement” is a masterful, epic love story. The decade-spanning screen adaptation of Ian McEwan’s novel begins in 1935 and gradually, and gracefully, builds to a bittersweet finale that hits like a natural disaster - both hard and without much warning - resulting from a young girl’s selfish lie. A serious weeper, the seven-time Golden Globe nominee, much like “Titanic,” isn’t easily forgettable.

1. Hairspray
Nothing can top this bubbly dance-off piled high with hardy-har-har gags, fab bouffants and a dress-donning John Travolta. As more-femme Edna Turnblad, Travolta shakes his badonkadonk in ’60s Baltimore, where chubby daughter Tracy (the smashing Nikki Blonsky) scores a stint on a local shimmy show and becomes a bona fide household name. With dazzling musical numbers, an all-star cast and an accept-everyone motif, this rambunctious feel-good flick isn’t one bit sticky. It just shines.

To see selections 6-10, visit www.pridesource.com.

What were your favorite flicks of ‘07? Did “Hairspray” make you wanna shimmy and shake? Was “Atonement” the best epic love story since “Titanic”? Let me know ….

Can’t tell you how elated I was when Borders was having a 50-percent off sale on their calendars. You see, I already have plenty – one filled with only-undie-clad men, a simple to-do wall calendar, a mini At-A-Glance one, and (personal favorite!) an mmm-mmm-good Zac Efron as Link Larkin one (thanks, Jess!). But this semi-corny but totally hilarious doggie spoof (meet Schmitty!) on Hollywood – like “Paws” instead of “Jaws” and “Mary Poopins” – would’ve been worth the regular price. Yeah, yeah, I’m bias ’cause I have a cute-as-a-button Yorkie (pictured!), but February, known as “Housebroke Mountain,” might just turn into March, and April, and May.

Soon, Kevin Stea’s crotch could have its own end credit. Maybe demand more money. Heck, it might even go on strike.

“It could get its own head-shots,” Stea quips from his Los Angeles digs, jokingly adding that fan sites are already popping up, likeTheAdventuresOfMyPenis.com. Today, he’s dazed and crackly, he says, recouping from a DVD-release party for “Naked Boys Singing.” He’s not nude at the moment, by the way.

Is that detail really necessary? Why, yes. This is former Michigander Kevin Stea: a 37-year-old dancer who shook his nearly-bare tush in “Showgirls,” recently stood in as a crotch-double in an upcoming Adam Sandler comedy and is promoting his latest ballsy stint in the off-Broadway film version of “Naked Boys Singing.”

Yep, the one where penises do the teeter-totter like a bass tugging at a fishing pole. The one where Stea pretends - for about four minutes - that he actually adores cleaning. Naked.

“I absolutely, absolutely hate cleaning,” he insists. “Luckily, my boyfriend is very anal retentive and obsessively clean, and he takes care of all that.”

Stea’s a bubbly, charismatic character, but in frenzied social atmospheres, he’s the sorta guy who follows around the hors d’oeuvres server, he says. You wouldn’t know that after seeing him playfully zip, bounce and jiggle around in nothing but long rubber gloves while singing lines like, “Nudity is fun to me, attention is like sex to me, cleaning is good therapy. So until my bills are paid, I really sorta love my job, I’m a naked maid.”

To read more, visit www.pridesource.com

Move over Hannah Montana. Three pint-sized singers are staging a world tour, bringing their adorable sing-and-shimmy schtick to those without hypersensitive ears. 

You’re one of those parents? Then live action-animated hybrid Alvin and the Chipmunks might be aw-worthy enough to scoot on by without you finding fault in the slapped-together story, some lame childish gags and failed attempts at being as hip as, say, Hannah Montana. But even that’s a big, fat question mark.

At least there’s a (predictable) moral, folks: What really matters isn’t umpteen YouTube hits and being branded as a stuffed animal, and living large sure can’t beat all-you-can-eat waffles from “dad” Dave Seville (a likable Jason Lee of My Name Is Earl). Question is: Will Dave take Alvin, Simon and Theodore (voiced by Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler and Jesse McCartney) back with open arms?

Though the helium-voiced troublemakers helped the struggling songwriter score his first hit in years, the classic “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late),” nearly flooding his kitchen and having a field day with his “winter” stash wasn’t so cool. 
Other silly shenanigans – messing up Dave’s biz presentation and crashing a date of his – just added to the mess, causing him to throw his furry “kids” out of the house, and into the arms of his money-hungry boss (David Cross).

To read more, visit www.metroparent.com