Any excuse Mariah can take to prance around in deep-cleavage tops and hip-hugging denim, she’ll take it. Not that I’m complaining – especially after the uber-silly-but-totally-Mimi “Touch My Body” (remember how she battled her black-haired alter-ego Bianca in “Heartbreaker”?) And her tight, never-looked-better body is pretty bangin’ (for hetero guys!) even as she pushes 40. In the Brett Ratner-directed video, a Geek Squad-like nerd (Jack McBrayer of “30 Rock”) makes a stop at Mariah’s ginormous palace, and, of course, M.C. answers the door in her black panty-bra set. He pretends to be cool, tries hitting a Mimi high-note (and comes off sounding like a strangled dog yelping for help), and lip-syncs to the song’s dirty lyrics. And then we’re supposed to think she’s gonna, as she coos, wrap her thighs around this supersize-glasses-donning dork’s waist, but by the end – well, you’ll just to watch below.

By now, you’ve probably seen I’m F*ing Matt Damon and the response video I’m F*ing Ben Affleck, but now someone’s f*ing Seth Rogen!

Video after the jump…
(more…)

Mariah’s upcoming “Emancipation of Mimi” sequel has a sorta-cryptic name: “E=MC² .” I’m still trying to figure out this equation (sure I know what it really means) – especially since MC’s thrown us a curveball, considering past titles have been simple and girly: “Butterfly,” “Rainbow” and “Charmbracelet.” The album’s due April 15, with the first single, “Touch My Body,” being sent to radio stations tonight! Woot-woot! So – dear Got Gayers – I need your help. What does this mathematical title mean to Mariah? And when did she go back to school?

P.S. Check back tonight for a complete review of MC’s “Touch My Body.”

Since discovering Missy Higgins’ “Where I Stood” nearly a week ago (apparently it’s been used on “Grey’s Anatomy”), I’ve listened to it over 150 times. I’ve also shed about 150 tears. Why? ‘Cause this piano gem from her February release “On A Clear Night” (look for a review in BTL soon) is sadder than the “Desperate Housewives” hiatus. OK, really, it’s a whole lot sadder than that in part to Missy’s defeated vocal delivery, and the uber-catchy chorus: “‘Cause she will love you more than I could, she who dares to stand where I stood.” Listen. Then tell me, do you feel my pain? Or am I the biggest baby ever? (more…)

You know what sucks? Doin’ it to the same ol’ sex songs (“Sexual Healing”! “Justify My Love”!). Need a less-archaic foreplay-to-finish compilation to spice up the crib with that longtime lover or “friend” – or the person you’re about to find online? The following totally gay pop list was tested for sexiness, longevity and versatility. Just not herpes – so keep a rubber close by.

“Feel Like Makin’ Love,” Mary J. Blige

Think of MJB as your evening’s Soulful Sex Host. With this slinky slow-jam, the No-Shit-Taking Troubadour sets the heavy-petting mood: Set me free. Pull me closer. Go slow. Turn off the light. Stay the night. Someone did her research!
“Kiss Me,” Melissa Etheridge

When the raspy rock-star shouts “Come out and play!” on this come-hither jam, you better know that she’s referring to doing the dirty – not playing Trivial Pursuit. Otherwise, just stop now. Seriously.

“Shut Up and Drive,” Rihanna

Laced with driving double-entendres (“Can you handle the curves?”), this sexy-seasoned synth rocker will surely rev up the homo-horny-factor as she insists, “Step into my ride.” Odds are, you’re probably already there.

“So Lonely,” Twista with Mariah Carey

You can almost feel the steam from this smooth, smoldering hip-hop jam about riding the “horsy,” going all night and trying to keep it down so the neighbors don’t hear. If you’re anything like M.C., who pants like a tired pooch in between Twista’s dirty rhymes, then you’re screwed.

“Ooh Ooh Baby,” Britney Spears

Think of B.S. as a gas tank. On this saucy cut from “Blackout,” the newly-reborn Brit likes to be filled up –with love! Just don’t make the mistake of thinking this is about her making those neglected babies. ’Cause it’s not. Really.

“Oh My God,” Pink with Peaches

“Let me feel you, baby,” Pink coos. And you will! During woman-on-woman fornication-fest (where Peaches claims Pink’s vers), the two flirt with lesbianism as the pop-punk rocker asks the rapper to throw her on the table – and then, you know, pretend she’s Thanksgiving dinner.

“Would You Mind” Janet Jackson

Ms. Jackson punctuates this slinky, X-rated musical moan-a-thon by saying, “The song ended. I didn’t even get to come. Did you?” After 10 songs, let’s sure as hell hope you responded with a, “Ooh yeah. Twice.”

For more “Bedroom Beats” visit www.pridesource.com on Thursday. Now your turn. Tell me what song revs your horny-factor? And what’s the last tune you screwed to?

…this…

…that…

…and him…

Oh, and briefly stepping in to cover for Christ!

Now I’m back. And ready to celebrate soap star/joke Brenda Dickson’s birthday (I know, I know. I’m a li’l late. So hopefully eating Cracklin’ Oat Bran with sliced banana will make her happy) and attend the Creating Change conference. Detroit, here come the gays.

By the time Patty Griffin dived into her first song – the childhood-inspired “Chief” – during Ann Arbor’s Folk Festival tonight, I was already touching myself to make sure I really was there. I was. Because, by the end of headliners’ half of the 4-and-a-half hour show, I melted right into my comfy chair at Hill Auditorium as Griffin (with beeeautiful harmony from Emmylou Harris) gave me a musical morsel I thought I’d leave without: “Mary,” a delicate death ode (check out the video recording from a Virginia stop below). It only seemed appropriate that the two gifted guitar goddesses combine folk forces on one of several duets they’ve recorded. “Mary” no doubt ranks as one of the best. Without it, I’d still be more than satisfied. After all, the latter half of the show was a striking exercise in divine harmonies, goofy monkey-spanking (Emmylou and Shawn Colvin used their squeaky toy monkeys during the chorus of Patty’s perseverance-anthem “Mad Mission”) and lots of down ditties. Still, that heartbreaking closing gem catapulted the Emmylou-Patty-Shawn show (with guitar great Buddy Miller) from a femme-powered meal into one complete with a delish dessert.
(more…)

Heath Ledger was on top. And soon his much-touted twisted Joker role in “The Dark Knight,” the next “Batman” installment, was about to catapult him further into superstardom. But, even so, no role of his can compare to the unforgettable Ennis, the deeply-wounded gay cowboy in “Brokeback Mountain.” With it, he pushed the envelope. Some said his career could’ve nose-dived. It didn’t. But his life did. Today, Ledger was found dead in his Manhattan apartment. Indeed, to lose someone so talented, so young and so daring is devastating. All I have to say is: Thank you, Heath, for giving us a story we’ll never forget.
For more on Heath Ledger’s death, go here: http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2008-01-22-heath-ledger-obit_N.htm

So rumor has it Mariah Carey’s follow-up to blockbuster “The Emancipation of Mimi” will be called “That Chick.” Not much info is out on the album (except for a few album tracks like torch-song “Bye Bye” and uptempo “Lovin’ You Long Time”), but the first still-untitled single is due late this month, and the album is slated for an April release. Here’s the latest (half-naked!) Mimi photo circulating the Web.