Playing It Straight

By Kevin Isom

Originally printed 4/22/04 (Issue 1217 - Between The Lines News)

I thought the networks had run out of new ways to use gays in reality dating shows, but I was wrong. I guess my gaydar was just a little off.

First we had Boy Meets Boy, the Bravo network reality show where a handsome gay man named James was wooed by a bevy of bodacious suitors. But there was a twist. Some of the would-be suitors were - egads! - straight.

For the first part of the show, James didn't know that there were straight men trying to convince him that they were gay. Later in the show the twist was revealed, whereupon not only did James find himself looking for love on national TV (admittedly a questionable pursuit at best), but also weeding out the imposter gay men. Part of the vicarious thrill for viewers was the parlor game of "who's really gay, and who's really straight?" (Straight women all over America wept in the streets for Franklin being gay, until he turned out to be straight and feminine cheers resounded across the fruited plains.)

It didn't take long for another network, Fox, to perform the trick in reverse. On the new show Playing It Straight, a seemingly sweet, wholesome, and lovely all-American girl is seeking true love - again on national TV, which every red-blooded American knows is EXACTLY the right place to find lasting commitment. This heroine also has to choose from a group of handsome suitors wooing her affections. But there's a twist.

Some of her suitors are - egads! - gay. And since reality shows are ALWAYS about seeking true love, and NEVER about the money, if she chooses a straight man, she and he will each get $500,000 as they sail off into relational bliss. But if a gay man succeeds at snookering her into choosing him, he gets a million dollars and the all-American girl gets nothing but a broken heart, which has gotta hurt like the dickens (because you know she's NOT after the money, no sir-ee!).

So the parlor game for this new show is (you'll never believe it!) "who's really gay, and who's really straight?" So much for original programming.

Unlike Boy Meets Boy, however, this time around it seems a little more unsavory. While it was oddly interesting to see straight men try to "pass" as gay men, the reverse seems just a tad homophobic. When our heroine correctly dismissed a candidate she suspected was gay (he was) on a recent show - I had clocked him at the moment he told her he wanted to be her "love slave" - the voice-over commentary from the remaining suitors was all pretty much, "Man, I would never have suspected Joe-Bob! I thought for sure it'd be the guy who shaves his legs!" In other words, "Gays are supposed to subscribe to stereotypes, so I would never have guessed that one." But wait. The gay guys are trying to pass themselves off as straight for the money, so OF COURSE they would try to avoid any pink flashing lights.

So instead of up-ending stereotypes (or anything else), these gay guys are "acting" straight. In other words, the underlying message to the audience is that they're pretending NOT to be their ordinarily flaming selves. At least with Boy Meets Boy, the viewers saw gay guys acting like gay guys. Which, frankly, was pretty hot, aside from that no-open-mouth-kissing rule (which, incidentally does NOT apply on Playing It Straight - I wonder why ). Thus, in theory at least, Boy Meets Boy broke some ground, whereas Playing It Straight simply plays more into stereotypes.

That being said, Playing It Straight is still strangely engrossing. I'm guessing I'll end up being fooled by some of the straight guys - meaning that I'll have pegged them as gay and they'll turn out to be straight. It's a new test of my gaydar, along with the gaydar of the lovely heroine (who is NOT in it for the money, I should reiterate).

Even after Playing It Straight passes the way of Joe Millionaire ("Evan WHO?"), I suspect the TV moguls will figure out a new twist. Some things are just inevitable, like death, taxes, and your partner wanting sex at exactly the moment when you'd rather just sleep.

So next up: the new Martha Stewart reality show, Playing It Prison. In PIP, lesbian prison inmates will vie for the attentions of Ms. Stewart by competing in events like "Best prisoner ID number calligraphy on an orange jumpsuit," "Best Charlize Theron in Monster lookalike," "Escape rope made from cheap 150 thread count sheets," and "Most creative use of garden variety prison vegetables."

I'm playing it scared.

Kevin Isom is the author of "It Only Hurts When I Polka" and "Tongue in Cheek and Other Places," available at bookstores and online. He may be reached at isomonline@aol.com or KevinIsom.com.