Creep of the Week: Michele Bachmann

By D'Anne Witkowski

Okay folks, let's get a couple of things out of the way here. First, Michele Bachmann (R- Minnesota) is still a member of the United States House of Representatives no matter how many times I close my eyes and wish she would go away. Second, she did not say that immigrant children should be forced into work camps. It's a story that originated on a poorly done satire website and progressive sites such as Think Progress got a little too excited and published it as fact.

In their defense, however, Bachmann says a lot of crazy shit. And the tenor of the Republican immigration debate is perfectly suited to include an argument that we should round these kids up and make 'em work to teach them "about the American way of life."

So sorry, not sorry, Michele Bachmann.

Especially since Bachmann really did say some incredibly awful things during a July 23 appearance on the Filth and Liberty radio show.

Bachmann and host Dave Garrison were having a sad discussion about how mean gays are to people "with a Christian world view" and how gays want "to punish people who don't agree with [their] viewpoint." Because of how Christians are a persecuted minority in "God we trust" America.

"This is their ultimate goal, is to not allow for diversity of opinion on this issue, because they don't want to be celebrated, they want to force everyone to not only agree with them but also have to finance their agenda," Bachmann wailed.

First of all, it's cute that Bachmann thinks that gays agree with each other about everything. Because, you know, homos aren't individual people with unique points of views and life experiences or anything. Nope. Just a bunch of dyke clones on motorcycles and identical muscled guys wearing thongs on a rainbow parade float forcing everyone to worship their cocks. After all, if you don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding.

Sorry, I think I was just channeling a Marcus Bachmann fever dream... My point is,

As for financing the gay agenda, well, she's right about that. For example, my gay agenda currently is to buy a house and I need a mortgage. Voila, my gay agenda is being financed.

Of course, right-wing loons like Bachmann prefer to make up totally crazy shit that they claim is the "gay agenda."

"I believe that we're going to see coming an effort for, uh, multiples in marriage, not just two, but multiples in marriage," she says. "I think they wanna legalize that. I think also they want to abolish age of consent laws, which means children, uh, we will do away with statutory rape laws so that adults will be able to freely prey on little children sexually. That's the deviance that we're seeing embraced in our culture today."

Uh, no. There is not a cultural embrace of polygamy or kid fucking and anyone who claims such a thing is an idiot.

"We need to stand up and as believers not be afraid to speak the truth," she says to her fellow anti-gay Christians. "Don't be intimidated, there's no reason to be."

Unfortunately, Bachmann's relationship to "truth" and facts is pretty rocky. But that's never stopped her before.

Which is why so many people believed it when they read that Bachmann favored Americanization labor camps for immigrant kids. Because she's a fountain of bad and hateful and stupid ideas.

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