Creep of the Week: Bob Frey

By D'Anne Witkowski

Bob Frey, a Republican candidate for the Minnesota House of Representatives, was recently in the news for saying some really unhinged, not to mention scientifically inaccurate, things about how AIDS is transmitted.

When it comes to homos, Bob told the MinnPost, "It's not about the gay agenda but about the science and the financial impact of that agenda. It's more about sodomy than about pigeonholing a lifestyle."

Now, whenever a Republican claims to be concerned about the "science" of anything, especially sodomy, you know shit's getting real. As in real crazy. So allow Bob Frey to explain.

"When you have egg and sperm that meet in conception, there's an enzyme in the front that burns through the egg," Bob told MinnPost. "The enzyme burns through so the DNA can enter the egg. If the sperm is deposited anally, it's the enzyme that causes the immune system to fail. That's why the term is AIDS - acquired immunodeficiency syndrome."

Got that? Each little sperm is like a tiny burning torch ready to incinerate its way into some lady eggs, but if that sperm ends up in a butt, well, it'll burn an immune system to the ground. Hence the acronym AIDS, which stands for, in the case of Bob Frey, "Am I Dumb? Sure."

Bob continues to explain, "It's about sodomy. It's huge amounts of money. AIDS is a long term illness, causing pain, suffering, death, a long-term illness that's very expensive to treat."

In other words, Bob Frey is running on the Cost of Gay Sex is Too Damn High platform.

And it's true. AIDS is expensive to treat. But Bob Frey is treating gays like they are no more than gaping orifices on the prowl for sex rather than, you know, human beings capable and worthy of love.

Sometimes the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree. And sometimes both the tree and the apple are equally obsessed with, and totally ignorant about, anal sex and AIDS.

That's where Mike Frey comes in. You see, Mike, also of Minnesota, is Bob's son. And last year Mike testified in front of a legislative committee in opposition to a marriage equality bill in the state saying the same loony thing about sperm enzymes and gay sex and AIDS.

It was wrong then, and it is still wrong now. Which leads one to wonder, where did the Freys get this crazy idea? And why, after Mike vomited this garbage into a microphone last year, is Bob spewing the same shit now?

The answer: the liberal media. It's got to be. Folks like Rachel Maddow and Anderson Cooper are conspiring to keep secret the awful truth about blowtorch sperm.

One need look no further for evidence of sperm's destructive tendencies than our nation's sperm banks. There's a reason why sperm banks keep their "donations" stored in liquid nitrogen tanks. It's not to keep the sperm from dying, it's to keep the sperm from exploding out of the specimen jars and igniting the carpet and window treatments on their search for eggs to penetrate. Will no one think of the curtains?

And then there's the warning stickers on gas pumps: Shut off engine, extinguish cigarettes, turn off cell phone, zip up pants. You can never be too careful.

So let's thank Bob and Mike Frey for the many lives their crusade against gays will undoubtedly save. To be this brazenly ignorant, it takes balls. It certainly doesn't take brains.

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