Deep Inside Hollywood

By Romeo San Vicente

Aly Michalka makes that 2 and a half men + 1 lesbian + her girlfriend

CBS is getting another prime-time lesbian when it adds Aly Michalka to the cast of "Two and A Half Men." The star of the Disney Channel series "Phil of The Future," now all grown up, will play Amber Tamblyn's love interest on the long-running sitcom. This is great news. More lesbians are always a good thing. But given that Tamblyn's character is meant to be the kind of no-rules lesbian version of Charlie Sheen's former self, it's anyone's guess as to how long this love interest will remain interesting. In a perfect world where this show stays on the air for an infinite number of seasons - thanks to an old-fashioned Hollywood deal with Satan, or whatever the pagan lesbian equivalent is - the ladies would take over the series entirely, they'd adopt a baby daughter played by the kind of twins who'd grow up to be entirely self-possessed and un-ruined like the Olsens, Conchata Ferrell would stay put and it would be rebranded as "Three and A Half Women." Doesn't hurt to dream.

Samuel L Jackson changes his mind

Once upon a time, when asked what he'd never do on camera, Samuel L. Jackson said something to the effect of never wanting to dress up like a woman and kiss another man. Now, whether or not he believed these two activities were inextricably linked is a mystery, but what isn't mysterious is the actor's change of perspective. Call it the homosexualizing influence of multiple plane-snakes, call it divine intervention, whatever you like, but Sam Jackson is about to play gay in the big-screen adaptation of Stephen King's 2006 novel "Cell." An end-of-the-world horror story, the premise is that mobile phones are emitting a signal turning people into homicidal maniacs. John Cusack will play a father searching for his young son as the world melts down around him and Jackson's character, a gay, ex-military engineer, is the man who helps Cusack to safety. Production begins in 2014 and, as of now, there are no reports indicating that Jackson will be required to do drag for the part. If that changes, they should really hire on RuPaul as a consultant to help the man get everything tucked in just right and perfect his ability to lip-sync for his life.

That new Tim Gunn show may eclipse 'Project Runway'

It starts in January and it's called "Under The Gunn" (no jokes, please, they're unseemly). It stars "Project Runway"'s resident sane person, Tim Gunn, and it's going to be a reality competition featuring charismatic and popular "Runway" alumni like Mondo Guerra, Anya Ayoung-Chee and the ubiquitous Nick Verreos. The premise will involve those designers mentoring new designers and people being kicked off the show regularly. And that means a healthy amount of crying and fighting, the real reason you watch this sort of thing in the first place. It's a great idea and a nice lateral step of independence for Gunn because, seriously, when was the last time you watched "Project Runway" or remember who won? The man may enjoy the steady gig as Ms. Klum's right hand man, but it's an excellent idea for him to step out on his own and imprint his own warmth and goodness onto a project he can call his own. Maybe he'll develop a new catchphrase, too.

'Chozen' wasn't just somebody's crazy idea. It's really going to air.

When we last reported on this project, it seemed like it would never see the light of day. And honestly, you could be forgiven for thinking that Danny McBride ("Eastbound and Down") was pulling everyone's leg when he started developing an animated series about a gay, rapping, ex-convict for FX's new offshoot channel FXX. But he wasn't. "Chozen," from Grant Dekernion (also "Eastbound & Down") along with Adam Reed and Matt Thompson ("Archer") and featuring the voices of McBride, Bobby Moynihan ("Saturday Night Live"), Michael Pena and Method Man, has hurled itself through all those pilot stage hoops and onto the network's roster, beginning in January. Oh, yeah, and the main character is a big beefy fella, too, one who's shown posing with men wearing bear masks in the show's publicity photos. In other words, this thing appears to be courting the more bearded element of its gay audience, a highly loyal subset of men who eat up all media representations of themselves. Good move, "Chozen." May you live many seasons and appreciate your enthusiastic fans. Ask Nick Frost about this. He'll have some helpful advice.

Romeo San Vicente thinks Samuel Jackson's drag name could easily be Royale With-Cheese. He can be reached care of this publication or at
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