It's February: Time for Love, Marriage And Equality

By Michelle E. Brown

It's February; love's in the air, and apparently everyone is high on the Valentine's Day Kool-Aid.

You expect to be inundated with love stories, engagements and wedding photos but did you ever think you would see so many LGBTQ engagements and weddings?

I mean it's not just in traditional media but on social media and in local media as well.

Ellen DeGeneres/Portia de Rossi, Elton John/David Furnish, Cynthia Nixon/Christine Marinoni, George Takei/Brad Altman, Neil Patrick Harris/David Burtka, Rosie O'Donnell/Michelle Rounds and Jim Nabors/Stan Callawader are just a few of the celebrity couples whose nuptials have made headlines.

And these unions are being reported not as assaults on the "sanctity of marriage" but as a reason to celebrate far and wide.

With Maryland and Maine joining Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, Washington and the District of Colombia, more and more LGBTQ brothers and sisters are following Beyonce's advice and "Putting a ring on it." I've received so many invitations that for 2013, I've had to add a new line to my personal budget for wedding gifts and travel. Amazing!!!

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with a reporter and talk about the marriage equality movement and the changes I've seen since 2004 when I first got involved fighting a discriminatory proposal in my home state of Michigan.

Unfortunately that proposal passed, enshrining discrimination into the state's constitution. It went beyond banning same-sex marriage and civil unions, and was interpreted by the Michigan Supreme Court to not allow public employers to grant domestic partnership benefits.

Then as now, I'm not looking for a wife. I've never had dreams of a big wedding, a church wedding or any kind of wedding for that matter. My mother got married in a yellow suit in her parent's living room about three months after meeting my dad. The story was steeped in romanticism but the reality of married life observed from this child's eye - well led me to the conclusion that, like the song goes, "I could do bad by myself."

But there was something about that first foray into the war for marriage equality that hit home. Not only were these opponents spreading lies and falsely vilifying my community, I realized that in many instances I was invisible as a gay American to my friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and community.

Since those early days we, as a community, have done a lot to remove that invisibility and the public shift on gay marriage is the result of all that hard work. Even as I write this I know other states including Illinois are moving towards marriage equality.

A part of me is ready to go out and buy some dancing shoes for all those wedding receptions on the horizon but I'm still not ready to jump on the marriage band wagon.

Why you might ask? Because we still haven't had that real discussion about marriage that goes beyond the ring and the ceremony - the denial of the basic human rights.

I have dialogues on gay rights and marriage on several different sites and on the weekly blog radio program I co-host "Can We Talk For Real." I have been amazed by the diversity of feelings on marriage in the LGBTQ community.

Marriage is how we acknowledge our relationships, a showing of our personal commitment to the love of our life for the whole world to see. So how are we making marriage our own in our ceremonies, in our expectations and in our lives? Are we making it our own or buying into the industry?

I read a recent post where the woman had a laundry list for potential spouses which included not only income and education levels but also that her future spouse owned a car no more than five years old. Then there are the wedding planners/packages that for the right price can give you the best faux-heterosexual ceremony so authentic that even FOX News was fooled recently using a "wedding kiss" photo to accompany a piece about traditional gender roles that was actually of a same sex couple.

But this isn't what we've been fighting for, more like unintended consequences.

What we've been fighting for is equality under the law. Equality promised in the Constitution to protect citizens from discrimination from laws that treat them differently for no good reason. And let's face it, there is no good reason to deny LGBTQ Americans marriage equality.

Protect the sanctity of marriage - seriously. Same sex marriage had nothing to do with Kim Kardashian's failed 72 day marriage, then getting pregnant without benefit of marriage by another man while still married to her 72-day wonder husband.

Marriage is an archaic but evolving institution that establishes the rights and obligations between spouses including at least 1,138 federal tangible benefits, protections, rights, and responsibilities that marriage brings couples and their children. Bottom line is if you want the benefits then you better put a ring on it.

But amidst our voices lifted in singing "Going to the Chapel" is another chorus of voices asking why; why must we go through the motions to provide basic human rights for our spouses and families?

Chicago songstress C.C. Carter related how she had been dragged kicking and screaming to the altar to marry her spouse. It wasn't that she didn't love her wife. They have been together for years and no license or piece of paper could give them greater acknowledgement, recognition or validation. The issue for Carter was why she (or anyone) needed to get a license to provide what should be a basic human right for everyone - to provide for and protect our families.

In the end it's all about love. The love we have for each other. The love we have for our families. The love we have for equality and ultimately, the love we should have for one another to live in peace, safety and equality. Now wouldn't that be an amazing Valentine's gift to the world?

Michelle E. Brown is a Public Speaker, Activist and Author. You can follower her at http://www.mychangeiam.com and http://www.twitter.com/mychangeiam.

MI Marriage Trial

Michigan Same Sex Couples Demand Respect And Equal Treatment

Michigan Leaders React To Feds Recognition Of Marriages

MI Marriage: Schuette Asks For Full Appeals Court Review

The Stay Delayed Allows 315 Couples To Wed In State

Gay Marriage Defines Schuette's Reelection Campaign

Snyder Says Schuette Going Against Trend

Sixth Circuit Continues Stay

Michigan Marriage Ban Struck Down

Michigan Makes History With First Marriages

Elected Officials, Advocates Petition Schuette To Drop Marriage Aappeal

Pictures from Ingham County - Getting Married

Pictures from Oakland County Clerk's Office - Part 1

Pictures from the Oakland County Clerk's office - Part 2

Pictures from the Oakland County Clerk's Office - Part 3

Pictures from Washtenaw County

White Nationalist Group Files Brief Supporting AG's Appeal In Marriage Ruling

Discredited Witness Part Of Right-Wing Cabal

Schauer Celebrates Overturn Of Michigan Marriage Ban

Equality Michigan Circulating Petition to Drop Appeal

Why Are Governor Rick Snyder and Attorney General Bill Schuette Wasting Michigan Taxpayer Dollars On A Costly Appeal?

Michigan Marriage Ban Co-Author Goes 'Moral'

BTL's Wedding Expo: Like Pride in April

Snyder Says Marriages Invalid

Elected Officials, Advocates Petition Schuette To Drop Marriage Appeal

Request To Remove Stay Based On Process And Substance

Schuette Lies To Satisfy Political Base

DOCUMENTS: The decision, the stay, and more

BREAKING: Holder Asked To Recognize Michigan Marriages

Michigan Marriage Ban Ruled Unconstitutional

BREAKING: Sixth Circuit Court Of Appeals Issues Temporary Stay On Michigan Case

BREAKING: Same-Sex Couples Across Michigan Get Hitched

BREAKING: Judge Friedman Declares Michigan's Same-Sex Marriage Ban Unconstitutional

Judge Could Rule Late Today In Mich. Marriage Ban

Michigan Marriage Trial: And Now We Wait

Editor's Viewpoint: Our Long Journey To Justice

Federal Marriage Case Decisions Outside Michigan In Circuit Court of Appeals

Peers Distance Themselves As Regnerus Takes The Stand

Marriage Supporters, Protestors Brave Cold At Courthouse

Highlights From Michigan Same-Sex Marriage Hearing

Brown Says Schuette Instructed Clerks To Defy Court

Michigan Marriage Equality Trial Begins Second Week

Marriage Equality Trial Opens : Science v. Fear

Michigan Marriage Center Prepares State For The Possibility!

Michigan Marriage Case Begins

A Trial Full of Experts: Incredible and Not So Credible, In Hazel Park Case

like us on facebook follow us on twitter follow us on google+