Chuck Norris

By D'Anne Witkowski

Creep of the Week

It's no secret that Chuck Norris is a physical force to be reckoned with. So if you're gay, stay out of his way. Because he doesn't like you very much. I'm not saying he would kick your ass. I'm just saying he could. Easily. I don't care how many hours you put in at the gym.

Norris is already on the record as an anti-gay conservative, but he apparently worried that he was not sufficiently on record about the gay-led War on Christmas. In a Dec. 19 opinion piece in praise of the good anti-gay works of the American Family Association he has done just that.

"Anyone who knows me knows that for my whole life I've been a huge supporter of our U.S. military personnel, who I too congratulate about their victory in Iraq," he writes. "But when our president and officials in the U.S. Department of Defense exchange a war abroad for a religious war at home, can't we see something else is seriously awry in this administration?"

"Seriously awry" would be an understatement if President Obama actually pulled out of Iraq in order to wage war against religious people at home. That would be totally fucked up.

The key word is "if," of course. Because that didn't happen. Obama wasn't all, "Hmm, I'm bored with Iraq. I need those troops back on U.S. soil to gun down live nativity scenes and water board Salvation Army Santas ringing those annoying bells." That would be intolerable by even the most godless heathen's standards. Thank God or any other deity/non-deity that such a thing is not happening.

Norris then bemoans how "Merry Christmas" is "omitted from signs in your favorite department store."

This is another figment of Norris' imagination. Look folks, I was at Rite Aid the other day and the piped in Christmas music mentioned Jesus so many times I'm surprised the cashiers weren't wearing choir robes.

Norris also laments that military chaplains are now forced to gay marry everybody, which is also fiction. And, as AmericaBlogGay's John Aravosis points out, for proof Norris links to a Washington Post article that say the exact opposite of this. I suspect someone may need to give his research skills a workout.

But by far the biggest whopper in Norris' piece is his claim that "Secretary Hillary Clinton demonizes other countries' religious beliefs as an obstacle to radical homosexual rights."

Aravosis writes, "Actually, Secretary Clinton was criticizing other countries incarcerating, torturing and executing gay and trans people."

Norris continues, "In many respects, we need to turn back the clock in America to our founding principles, values and liberties, and those include the intricate and pivotal role that religion and Christianity played in our early republic. It is not time to flee religious liberties but re-embrace them, especially during this sacred Christmas week."

Got it. So during "this sacred Christmas week" we need to embrace the Christian values of torture and execution of gay people as it says in the Book of Norris.

And that's why, as I said before, you should stay away from this guy. He's fucking nuts.

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