Dear Jody: Mom makes out in front of me


Q:

I am 14 years old. My mom is a lesbian. I am writing this letter to you because I know my mom always reads Dear Jody, and I think she will listen to you because she talks about what you have to say about people's problems. She agrees with you - most of the time.

She doesn't listen to me, even though I've tried to tell her over and over again what the problem is. The problem I have with her is that she and her girlfriend are always smooching on the couch when my friends are over. They are, like, all over each other. I don't care that she is gay, but my friends make fun of them because of the way my mom and her girlfriend act. It's so embarrassing! If she doesn't cut it out, I will just not have my friends over anymore. I've told her that, but I don't think she cares.

Could you tell her they should not act like that when people are around? Thank you.

Embarrassed Daughter

A: I'm glad you wrote to me. Have your mom read this letter. Hopefully, it will open up a productive dialogue between the two of you, so you can let her know what behaviors are bothering you and why. It will also give you a chance to listen to her thoughts, and hear how she feels about this issue. In any disagreement, it is important for both people involved to listen and try to understand the other's point of view.

Mom: It's important to listen to your daughter and see if the two of you can come up to an agreement regarding this problem so that your daughter is not embarrassed to have her friends over. I'm sure you'll agree that it is important to have your child feel comfortable in her home with her friends; and it's great that she wants to be around the home - not all 14-year-old kids do. This is an opportunity for both of you to hear each other's feelings and understand how this is affecting each of you.

For most - probably all - 14 year olds, having their parents "smooching" in front of their friends would be embarrassing; it doesn't matter whether the parents are gay or straight. This is not a gay parent issue; it's a parent issue.

Hear me out, Democrats

Q: I am a gay Republican - and I'm proud of it. I know many people think I am crazy but it is what I believe in - for the most part. I'm like most people; I don't believe in every little thing, but I do go along with most party lines. I am fiscally conservative as well as pretty conservative when it comes to things like immigration, gun control and freedom of speech. I know most Republicans are against gay marriage and so am I. I was raised to believe a marriage is between a man and a woman, and I don't know why gay people think they need to get married, anyway. I have lots of friends that are Democrats, and they keep thinking if they just badger me enough, they can change what I believe. They don't seem to hear what I have to say, but they do want to tell me what they think about everything that's political.

I don't care if you agree with me or not, I just want suggestions on how to make my point and get my friends to listen to me.

Republican and Proud

A: Most often, with something as controversial as politics or religion, it is difficult for either side to hear or understand the other side. There is no way you can get others to listen to you if they don't choose to listen. It is better not to discuss politics with friends that don't listen to your beliefs, or if you're not willing to listen to theirs. In these cases, let them know that politics is off limits as far as you are concerned, and if they bring up political things, remind them that you don't wish to talk about it.

If you want to discuss politics, it might behoove you to find some other like-minded individuals with whom you can talk and discuss issues.

Jody Valley spent 12 years as a clinical social worker. She worked with the LGBT community both as a counselor and a workshop leader in the areas of coming out, self-esteem and relationship issues. The "Dear Jody" column appears weekly. Reach Jody at DearJodyValley@hotmail.com. Letters may be edited for clarity and length.
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