columnists

Ode to Ian

By Jason A. Michael

Originally printed 11/08/2007 (Issue 1545 - Between The Lines News)

Viewpoint

Ian Benson was lucky; or at least about as lucky as any teenager realizing that the gender of her body does not match the gender of his soul can be. He had far more support than the average transgender teen. His parents did not disown him or dump him in the streets, thereby effectively forcing him to turn tricks for his livelihood, as commonly happens to trans youth.

No, when Ian revealed that he planned to embrace his true self and transition from female to male, he found acceptance from his family. His mother, like a true and loving parent should, realized that Ian's happiness was all that really mattered. And she didn't just talk the talk. She helped found TransYouth Family Advocates and did everything within her power to support her son.

But sometimes a mother's love is no match for the fierce and angry pressures that exist outside her tender embrace. Described by friends as sensitive, thoughtful, brilliant, and hilarious, Ian was also painfully shy. He was safe at home and with friends, but where would he fit in the world at large?

Tragically, he decided there wasn't a place for him, and the 16-year-old from Holland took his own life on Oct. 29. Tragically, the Trevor Project estimates that as many as one in two transgender teens will attempt suicide. Tragically, many, like Ian, succeed.

Brandon Teena, one of the best-known FTMs in popular culture, thanks to the feature film "Boys Don't Cry," was murdered by a couple of uneducated street hoodlums in rural Nebraska. His killers were arrested, tried and convicted. But what of the uneducated public at large? The uninformed and self-righteous who laugh and point fingers and criticize and demoralize anyone who is different, who breed the fear and ignorance that make it impossible for a boy like Ian to feel safe. When will they be held accountable for their actions?

As a gay man, I often feel like a second-class citizen in this country. I pay the same taxes as my heterosexual counterparts with half the benefit. But if I am the second-class citizen I claim to be, what ranking does that give boys like Ian? It's easier than ever, I dare say, to be gay in this country. While things here certainly aren't as progressive as they could be, or as I'd like, the fact is that the religious right's efforts to persecute us, most recently through proposing constitutional amendments across the country to deny us marriage equality, has only served to create droves of new gay sympathizers. Most Americans simply aren't in favor of discriminating against gays these days, which is proven by the fact that there isn't a single Democratic candidate running for president who isn't in favor of civil unions.

By the same token, most Americans have never even met a transgender person and, as a result, the trans community, often shrouded in mystery and intrigue, does not enjoy nearly the same level of support as the other folks standing under the LGBT umbrella. Ian was extremely intelligent. He must have known this.

So how must Ian have felt last year when the city of Ferndale tried to pass a human rights ordinance without including the trans community? Or what did Ian think last month when he learned that Congress was moving forward on an Employment Non-Discrimination Act that left the trans community out in the cold?

Or did Ian even give a damn about any of these issues? I can't even imagine the more immediate concerns that must have been on the mind of such a young man, the emotional burdens that lain heavy upon his heart and, ultimately, proved too difficult for him to carry.

All I know for sure is that Ian is gone, and now the community has another lost soul to grieve, another name to read aloud at the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance service next week. At a candlelight vigil, Ian's friends declared that his bright light will shine on. But the truth is, it is our communal light that shines a little dimmer in his absence.