funstuff

YouTube It: Model should leave singing to Seal, wannabes mimic Mary J. Blige

By Chris Azzopardi

Originally printed 12/21/2006 (Issue 1451 - Between The Lines News)

YouTube's like Pringles. Once you pop! You can't stop! After I'm thrown into this realm of warbling Whitney wannabes, it's like having the "American Idol" prelims on repeat. There's an endless array of so-bad-they're-good videos. Too many, in fact, to sift through during a traditonal eight-hour workday (not that I'm promoting YouTubing on the job). Here's enough to get you through a break, though:

"Project Runway," come back! Like ASAP!

It's sad "Project Runway" is on hiatus. Really sad. Not just because we love the show, but Heidi Klum desperately needs something to keep her away from projects like the corny Christmas tune "Wonderland." Klum's paper-thin voice isn't my only beef. In fact, in a song with more sugar than a candy cane, a second-grade penned hook ("Wonderland, wonderland, shiny stars, jingle bells") her voice is the burned out star on top of a dying Christmas tree. Well, for me at least. My co-worker's 1-year-old, who threw up his hands whenever Klum sang "Whoa, ooh" (tagged onto the end of nearly every line she sings), got a kick - and a dance - out of it. The video http://youtube.com/watch?v=uq4IAw85sOM, which features Santa in front of a teepee and Klum looking all pretty for the cameras (surprise, surprise), is best viewed after several Jager Bombs. Or with earplugs and a blindfold. Heidi, leave the singing to Seal.

MJB boys mimic crooner like whoa

Damn. If a white boy can rap, he can also purse his lips (and quiver them) and moan-for-moan mimic Mary J. Blige. With their spiffy shades, the duo - known as Madanna and Troy - perform many of the soulful crooner's tunes (Madanna goes solo on a few, including the rad "I Found My Everything"). And the result would make even MJB get down on her knees. The boys got the drama down. One even sports a Blige-like hat worn on the cover of "The Breakthrough." The black-and-white video screams gay (http://youtube.com/watch?v=kIwjme01IRI)! If not for the fact that one of the groupies name is Madanna, then for the timed-hand movements as Blige urges listeners to put their hands up (and they raise the roof with theirs) and play peek-a-boo when Mary utters, "Do somethin' behind my back and then try to cover it up?" If "American Idol" had a lip-sync spin-off, Madanna and Troy would head straight to the top.

GayTeenSinger: My ears are flaming

While some lip-sync (like Madanna and Troy), others take the much-public humiliating liberty to make it their own. GayTeenSinger is one of those people. Yes, just one (of millions). And as many as there are, at least he knows he won't soon (or ever) be signing a record deal (being cut from his "skool" talent show is a clear indication). Before trying to mimic Natalie Maines' (of the Dixie Chicks) rageful rant in "Not Ready to Make Nice," there's a warning (which I should've took more seriously): "Ya, I know I suck." "American Idol" judge Simon Cowell would have a few sly remarks for Gay. Like, his pitch was more off than a gay man's clothing at a club. Or that long note was flatter than Calista Flockhart's chest. Check him out online http://youtube.com/watch?v=RloB3Me4Cgo. And then insert Simon Cowell remark here.

Chris Azzopardi is a staff writer for Between The Lines. Will Heidi Klum's candy cane-coated Christmas tune make you biased toward "Project Runway"? What other sly sarcasm would Simon have for GayTeenSinger? Let me know at chris@pridesource.com